METALLICA RULES: ROCKIN' OUT WITH METALLIC SPRAY PAINT

Gold painted branches

I've got a new obsession, people.  And it's a welcome one, as I've been seriously needing something to replace my obsession with drag queen makeup tutorials on YouTube.  I have finally found that in the form of metallic spray paint.  And while it's no smoky "bitch eye" it comes damn near close.  I'm seriously spray painting everything I can get my hands on with metallics.  Candle stick, get over here. Vase, you're mine kiddo. Wicker basket, you 'bout to get got. Sometimes I spray paint my face and pretend I'm the Terminator and terrorize the neighborhood children. The cashiers at Wal-Mart are starting to look at me like I have a huffing addiction because I'm in there every day buying multiple cans of spray paint (and I get the side-eye scope out every time they have to enter that I'm 18 and old enough to buy spray paint).  Why, even old Stan in the paint section knows me by name.  I guess I'm just so amazed with the results, I can't quit.  Silvers, golds, chromes, there are so many choices and they all look amazing.  Spray painted wood, comes out looking like real metal.  And if you are actually spraying it on metal or glass, it comes out with a brilliant sheen.  It's really an amazingly quick and cheap way to turn a dowdy, unremarkable piece into a mod standout.  I invite you to step into my gold and silver world below with some awesome examples of the magic of metallic spray paint.  I'll also be posting some of my metallic conquests in the next week.  And one last thing, if you happen to wander onto the spray paint aisle at your local Wal-Mart or Lowe's and find yourself blinded by the glorious light of metallics as I have, I only have one thing to say to you: "Run to the light, Carol Ann. Run as fast as you can! Mommy is in the light! Mommy is waiting for you in the light!!!!!!!"

Painted Ikea shelving

Painted Ikea candles

Spray painted chair

Baskets

Table using painter's tape

Painted bottles

Update your air vents!

Paint plastic toys to look like chic statues!

Entry table painted with mirrored spray paint

Spray paint your shoes!  Why not?

And my favorite of all....

Spray painted lawn flamingos!  From tacky to mod!
(or maybe it's just that badass backyard that make them seem cool)

SHADY LADY: PAINTED ROLLER SHADES

Window treatments.  Love 'em.  Gotta have 'em.  Can't afford 'em?  Well, screw 'em! (Show them how it's done Mr. Hopkins...)  Unfortunately for me, window coverings are pretty much required at my house as I like to keep the strange activities that go on inside private. Nothing sinister, just the usual "behind closed doors" kind of stuff:  Mirror reflection dance-offs (P.S. - I always win), my husband and I practicing the lift scene from Dirty Dancing, our bi-weekly furniture jumping Olympics, and of course, our hilarious improv show ("Tuesday Night Jive") we perform for our dog Maggie.  We have a bay window in our kitchen that has been needing a little somethin' somethin' for a while now, so I thought I'd find some window coverings, preferably some roman shades.  Sadly, the ones I love at Pottery Barn would require me to sell my plasma once a month for at least ten years before I could afford them, so I had to find an alternative.  Some sneaking around on the world wide Charlotte's web led me to some pretty great ideas, specifically one using the cut-to-fit roller shades you can get at any home improvement store.  So, I went to Lowe's, bought some cheapo shades, painted the damn things, and BAM! I now have some cute shades that will hold me over until I can afford the window coverings of my dreams, plasma-free.   

What you'll need:

Levolor cut-to-fit white roller shades from Lowe's ($8.00 each)

Brackets to nail them to the wall (sold separately)

Frog Tape

Black paint

Paint brush

A touch of awesome (not sold in stores)

MY INSPIRATION/DREAM WINDOWS

Now back to my sad, cash-strapped reality...

a.k.a., the kitchen flo'

STEP 1

Measure out notches all around the edges and then lay the tape down.  
I did mine 3 inches out from the edge, which is honestly too much
because as you know, I LIVE on the edge.

STEP 2

Paint around the edges.  It will look wrinkly but don't fret, it will go away 

when you take the tape off.  But do fret about your own wrinkles, because they won't

go away when you take the tape off.  I know that because when I took the tape off I ran

to the bathroom to look in the mirror and they were still there.  Curse you father time!

STEP 3

Remove the tape and voila!  Clean edges.

And for any of you who were wondering, the ghost of Ansel Adams didn't sneak

in my house and take these amazing museum quality photographs.  

That's just my crappy little Kodak.  Can ya' believe it!

STEP 4

Let them dry and then hang them up!  How fun and easy! They frame my bar area nicely.

I will probably need to get my steamer and out and get a few small wrinkles out at some point,

but for now, I am content with imperfection.  

Also wanted to mention that screwing the brackets in was the hardest part of the whole project .

I hate screws.  Scrrrrewwwww emmmmmmm!

Here are some other fabulous roller shade examples and ideas from around the web:

Better Homes & Gardens
Apartment Therapy

Southern Living

What the Vita (With ribbon!)
All Things Beautiful

Aesthetic Oiseau

and of course, Miss Martha knows best...

Martha Stewart Living

PINTEREST FAIL

Pinterest can be a pretty amazing place.  For those of us that love food, fashion, DIY or home decor, it is a virtual wonderland of fabulous ideas and "I would have never thought of that!" moments.  Unfortunately, it is available to everyone, so the inventive, creative and stylish are forced to mingle with the crazy cat ladies who make kitty condos out of old liquor boxes, cotton balls and underwear and feel the need to pass it on. Ladies and gents, I present your latest segment of "Pinterest Fail!" for those who just didn't quite make the grade.  

CREEPY SIGN

So what you're saying is that grandma's ghost is lurking around in our home?
I was wondering who the horrifying shadowy figure was standing above my bed last night.
By the way mom, she told me to tell you she'll never forgive you for putting this ugly
sign up in the house.  And she says to ditch the zebra candle too.

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INDOOR DOG HOUSE

Look, I love dogs more than anything, but just because you love Max,
doesn't mean you need to cut a hole in a wall and build him a tacky-ass
dog house inside your home.

In other news, Sebastian the Crab says "Come on in, de wa-tah is fine!"

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TACKY SOAP DISPENSER

Speaking of tacky-ass stuff, that brings us to this Jack Daniels soap dispenser.
First of all, I likes to get my drank on and don't want to associate my whiskey with soap.
Second of all, I love how the pinner thinks that putting it in the guy's bathroom makes it okay.
"Sure!  Put it in Joe's bathroom!  He loves tacky things! And he has dirty hands!"

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PEPTO BISMOL ROOM

This is the result of what happened when Alice came home from Wonderland,
became a seventy year old woman, and thought it would be fun to decorate while in the midst
of a teacup party acid flashback.  Look at her creepy shoes and glass of milk on the chair. (shivers).
Oh, she also said she wants you to be extra quiet while in her pink room.

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TIE-DYE SHOWER CURTAIN

This is what happens when a unicorn is showering and someone
sneaks in and and goes all Norman Bates on his ass and it gets all over the curtains.

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CHEESY SIGNS

The only way this would be acceptable in my house is if you changed the words to show negativity.
"Jerk" "Ass" "Fatso" "Destruction" "Rotten" "I Hate You""I Poisoned Your Dinner"
Those are the words that truly make a house a home.  

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POM POM FLOWERS

Dear Pinterest person,

Switch out the fuzz balls with cheese puffs and then we'll talk.

Love,
My Inner Fatass 

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CAT SHELVES

You know what would make this awesome?  If there were no cats on these.

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SAD CHRISTMAS DECOR

"Is that ALL you can come up with?"
- Jesus

TREE STUMPIN'

Destruction of nature in the name of home decor. Ahhhh... (crickets chirping cut short by a chainsaw in the background). Ain't it grand?  If Fern Gully taught us anything, it's that when we destroy trees, the most awesome character in the movie (a sludge monster named Hexus voiced by Tim Curry/Dr. Frank-N-Furter) comes and sings us a kick-ass song.   So what's not to love?  And what better way is there to remind ourselves every day that we're decimating forests and depleting our oxygen than to put a cool tree stump in our home?  Tree stump side tables and chairs? Yes please!  It just makes you want to go out in the yard, proudly hoist your tree stump in the air and yell at the squirrels and birds, "Hey bitches, I stole yall's house!" Of course I kid.  I love all of God's little forest creatures; foxes, rabbits, bugs, squirrels, little birdies, and my most favorite forest creature of all, the tiny and elusive Prince.  But I love me a good tree stump, so let's explore some of the awesome ways that people have used them too add a touch of nature, albeit dead nature, to their homes.

This one comes with a great tutorial

OTTOMAN MAKEOVER

Like the heinous struggling friend that you finally get the nerve to ask, "Hey, why don't you let me try something with your hair?" and then you basically give them a "She's All That" style makeover (switch out their glasses for contacts, makeup, cute clothes, reconstructive facial surgery, etc.), I have decided to break down and help my ottoman get rid of the fuglies.  Given to us for free by a friend, I have used this ottoman as a side chair, and strategically draped a blanket over the top to cover up the stains from when guests are over and I sit on it and get too drunk and spill my bourbon everywhere. I had in my mind that I wanted to glam it up a bit but had been putting the project off.  Then a few days ago, I went to Hancock Fabrics and found this awesome fabric for 50% off and all I could think was, "Ottoman, you in danga girl!" It only took me a few hours over a few days but it was totally worth it!  It has completely transformed the look of my living room.  Tres chic! Ottoman for prom queen 2012!

ETSY STALKIN'

Like a psycho ex-girlfriend, I have trolled slowly and creepily down the streets of Etsy this week to find the latest and greatest items, ranging from the wonderful to the weird.  Just click on the name of the item for the Etsy link and they can all be yours.  And you can be mine.  Because I will never stop loving you.  Do you hear me!?  I swear to God we will be together again.  Who's that girl at your house?

Vintage Wood & Metal Dairy Crate

Black Bear Original Watercolor

French Dictionary Horse Anatomy
(Put in a frame - Good for a art collage wall)

Cast Metal Horse Head Bookends

Vintage Horse Halter Rope
(Hang somewhere cool)

Cute Mirror

Laser Cut Felt Coasters

Cute Burlap Set of Monogram Pillows

Quirky fish tray
(Zooey Deschanel's ears perk up)

Mermaid Hook

And just because...

Zombie Car Decal