WHAT DOES YOUR DOORMAT SAY ABOUT YOU?

Since I'm in the process of welcoming myself, I thought a post about welcome mats would be appropriate. When visitors come to your house, the first thing they see at your door is your welcome mat (or your creepy neighbor Larry lurking in your bushes).  The doormat is a necessary multi-functional component of your house.  It can be used to hide keys, place mail, wipe feet, keep your house clean, or can be rigged (with the help of creepy neighbor Larry) to administer the occasional electric shock if you are sick of all those damn people coming to your house.  But mostly, it's just there to look cute.  I scoured the web, and found an adorable selection of doormats that express a variety of unique personalities (I even found one for creepy Larry).

THIS DOORMAT SAYS YOU...

1. Like to make a statement.  And it tells any would-be robbers/visitors/girl scouts there's an empowered person waiting inside with a loaded shotgun.  Wisteria  $15.30
2. Love contemporary patterns.  And that you waited a long time at Ikea to buy this rug even though you had to pee really bad and there was a crying baby in line behind you.  Yes, it says all of that.  Ikea $14.99
3. Are in touch with your inner Edgar Allan Poe.  And hopefully it will earn you the badass nickname of "Crow Lady" by all the neighborhood kids and they will secretly think you're a witch and be too scared to ring your doorbell at Halloween but you'll talk to one of them at a church choir recital on Christmas Eve and they'll realize that you're just a nice, lonely old lady. Uncommon Goods $27.00 
4. Love a touch of whimsy.  Who wouldn't love coming to a house with a cute little hippo at the front door?  I know I would love having one of the world's most dangerous animals at my door.  #1 killer, folks.  Yup.  AllModern Outlet  $135.00
5. Are a hipster.  And totes-mcgotes into CSA, MMJ, KOL, NPR and PBR.  What says "cool" more than the ubiquitous hipster bicycle?  I can see you riding home from the local farmer's market in your skinny jeans and Converse All-Stars with your big headphones on and fresh veggies in your basket and all I can think is...why can't I be you? Whyyyyyy! (angrily shakes fist at sky)  Lowe's  $12.98 
6. Love color and beauty.  (singing like James Blunt) "You're beautiful...you're beautiful...you're beautiful it's true.  There must be an angel, with a smile on her face...when she thought up that I should be with you.  But I don't know what to do...cause I'll never be with you."  World Market $16.99
7. You're quirky.  Skeleton keys on a doormat is totally quirk city, and you love it.  And so does Zooey Deschanel ("Siri, where can I get a key doormat?") And so do potential robbers because this mat screams, "HEY!  KEYS!  RIGHT UNDER HERE!  COME GET ME AND BREAK IN!"  You may need to find a new place to hide your keys.  But you'll never hide them from Larry.  He knows where ALL your keys are.  And your underwear.  Urban Outfitters $34.00

But seriously, I love all of these mats.  So fun!  I'm taking my bike to go buy one right now.  Then off to the farmer's market.  Wheee!